Maxximus Field Notes · Dating & Modern Relationships

Are We Dating the Same Guy Has 10 Million Women Talking. Here's What Every Man Needs to Know.

By Ryan Poole, Founder of Maxximus · April 30, 2026

27 years in sales · ~1,000 first dates · 60+ countries

I have been on the Are We Dating the Same Guy page.

I found out the way most men find out. A woman I was dating told me she had seen me on there. She was watching my reaction, probably expecting some version of panic or defensiveness. I looked at her and said, "Yeah, I know. I am famous," and gave her a smirk.

That is the only right answer. Not because I am bulletproof, but because a man who is living his life fully and treating people well does not need to be afraid of what other people are saying about him. His behavior is his defense. His character is his reputation.

If you have not heard of AWDTSG yet, you need to. And if you have heard of it, you need to understand it at a level most men never bother to. Because this is not going away. It is growing. And the men who understand it will navigate the modern dating world better than the ones who pretend it does not exist.

What Is Are We Dating the Same Guy?

Are We Dating the Same Guy started as a single Facebook group and has grown into a network of over 10 million women across hundreds of city and region-specific chapters. There are chapters for New York, Los Angeles, Miami, Chicago, Dallas, Atlanta, Boston, Denver, Seattle, and dozens of smaller cities across the country. If you live in a major metro area, there is a chapter for your city and women in your dating pool are members.

The concept is simple. A woman matches with a man on a dating app or meets someone new. Before or after a date, she posts his photo to her local AWDTSG chapter and asks the group: does anyone know this guy? What has your experience been?

The group responds. Sometimes with nothing. Sometimes with a flood of women sharing their own experiences, screenshots of text conversations, warnings, and information. The post can go from zero to fifty responses in an afternoon.

Men are not members. Men cannot see the group. Men cannot see posts about them. Men cannot respond. The only way a man finds out he has been posted is if a woman in his life tells him.

How the Chapters Work

Each AWDTSG chapter operates as its own closed Facebook group, named after its city or region. Women request to join their local chapter and are vetted to confirm they identify as women before being admitted. The groups are private, meaning posts do not appear in public search results and non-members cannot see the content.

Within each chapter, the culture is similar but the community is local. A post about a man in the Miami chapter reaches women who are actually in his dating pool. A woman in New York who had a terrible experience with someone who has since moved to Dallas can share that information in the Dallas chapter. The network effect is real.

Some chapters are more active than others. The largest city chapters see dozens of posts per day. Smaller city chapters may see several per week. But across the entire network, the reach is enormous and growing.

What Women Actually Post

The posts fall into a few categories. Most are genuine requests for information. A woman is curious about someone new and wants to know if anyone in the group has experience with him. She is doing her homework before investing time and energy.

Then there are the warning posts. A woman had a bad experience and wants to protect other women. These posts often include screenshots of texts, evidence of dishonesty, or accounts of pressure and disrespect. They tend to generate the most responses.

What About Positive Posts?

Positive posts exist but here is the honest reality that most men miss: women who are happy with a man are usually still with him. They are not posting him to 10 million women. They are dating him. A woman who thinks a man is great has no incentive to put him up for review by her entire city. She is keeping him for herself.

The green flag posts you do see are usually from women who went on a date that went well but did not go anywhere, or women who are vouching for a man a friend is considering. They are not the dominant pattern. The dominant pattern is women protecting each other. Keep that in mind when you think about what kind of footprint you are leaving.

What the Right Response Looks Like

When I found out I was on the Are We Dating the Same Guy page and responded the way I did, the woman I was with laughed. She had expected defensiveness. She had expected me to ask what it said, to get anxious, to want to defend myself. Instead, she got a man who was comfortable enough in his own skin to make a joke and move on.

That comfort comes from one thing. Knowing that your behavior has been consistent. Knowing that you have been honest. Knowing that how you treated the women you have dated reflects the man you actually are.

A man who is afraid of AWDTSG is a man who knows there is something to be afraid of. A man who has nothing to hide does not need to worry about what 10 million women are saying. His reputation speaks for itself.

This is not a call to be perfect. It is a call to be real. To be the same man in your texts as you are on the date. To handle the end of something with dignity instead of silence or cruelty. To be honest about what you want before she has invested her time in something you were never going to commit to.

The Filters She Is Running Before She Even Meets You

Before you sit down across from her at dinner, she has already done research. She has checked your Instagram. She may have Googled your name. She may have posted you in the AWDTSG chapter for her city. And she may have checked the Tea App. These are not separate phenomena. They are part of the same intelligence network women have built because they needed to.

She is asking four questions before she commits to a first date:

• Is he safe? Does anyone know this man? Are there warning signs?
• Is he honest? Is he who he says he is on his profile?
• Is he worth my time? What do other women say about the experience of dating him?
• Is he growing? Is this a man with direction, or is he spinning in place?

AWDTSG helps her answer the first three. How you show up in person answers the fourth. The men who understand this do not try to manage their image. They build the actual substance behind it.

What This Means in Practice

Be honest before she invests

The most common AWDTSG warning pattern is a man who presented himself as available, interested in something real, and then disappeared or revealed he was already in a relationship. If you are not looking for something serious, say so early. Women respect that honesty. They post the men who hid it.

Handle endings with class

How you end things is how you will be remembered and how you will be described. Going cold, ghosting, or turning hostile the moment you are no longer interested is what generates the most negative responses in AWDTSG threads. Exit every situation the way a man with options exits. Clearly, kindly, without drama.

Your texting is documented

Screenshots are the currency of AWDTSG posts. What you write in texts exists as evidence. Pressure messages, manipulative language, and dishonest framing get shared. Write every text to a woman as if it could be read by a room full of women who care about her. Because it might be. The way you communicate over text is your most visible footprint in the modern dating world.

Your first date behavior is part of the record

How you show up, whether you listened, how you made her feel, whether you were present or distracted — all of it can become part of a post. The first date is not just your chance to evaluate her. It is her data point about who you are. Make it a good one.

Why Maxximus Exists

When I was building Maxximus, I thought about men like the ones who end up in AWDTSG warning posts. They are not usually monsters. They are usually men who were never taught how to communicate honestly, how to handle rejection without going cold, how to be consistent between who they present themselves as and who they actually are.

AWDTSG exists because there is a gap between how men think they are showing up and how women are experiencing them. That gap is what Maxximus closes. Not by teaching men to perform better, but by helping men actually become better. Honest communicators. Men who handle the hard conversations. Men whose behavior is the same whether or not anyone is watching.

The man who understands AWDTSG, the Tea App, and the Burned Haystack Method does not panic about any of them. He uses them as a mirror. He looks at the behavior that generates the worst responses in these communities and asks himself honestly: am I doing any of that? And if the answer is yes, he changes it. That is what growth looks like. That is what Maxximus is built to accelerate.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is Are We Dating the Same Guy (AWDTSG)?

Are We Dating the Same Guy, known as AWDTSG, is a network of women-only Facebook groups with over 10 million members across hundreds of city-specific chapters in the United States. Women post photos of men they are dating and ask the group if anyone has experience with that person. Other women respond with their own accounts, screenshots, and information. Men cannot join, cannot see posts about them, and cannot respond.

How does AWDTSG work?

A woman joins her local AWDTSG chapter on Facebook, such as Are We Dating the Same Guy NYC, Miami, Chicago, or Los Angeles. She posts a photo of a man with his name or dating profile handle and asks if anyone knows him. Other women in the group respond sharing their own experiences. Posts can receive dozens of responses within hours. The entire network is women-only and closed to men.

Can a man see if he has been posted on AWDTSG?

No. AWDTSG groups are closed to men. The only way a man finds out he was posted is if a woman he knows tells him. When that happens, the right response is the same one any man with genuine character can give: acknowledge it, do not panic, and let your actual behavior be the answer. If you have been honest and treated people well, a post is not a threat.

What do women say about men on AWDTSG?

Most posts are genuine requests for information before a first date. Warning posts share experiences with men who were dishonest about their relationship status, who ghosted, or who were disrespectful. Positive posts exist but are far less common. Women who are happy with a man are usually still with him and not posting him to their city's chapter.

How do I make sure I am not posted negatively on AWDTSG?

Be honest about your intentions from the start. Be consistent between how you present yourself and who you actually are. Handle endings with clarity and grace. Treat every woman you date with the respect you would want shown to your daughter. The men who get the worst AWDTSG posts are almost always men who were dishonest, applied pressure, or went cold when they were done. Build the character that makes none of that a concern.

Ryan Poole

Ryan Poole is the founder of MaxximusAI, Inc. and author of Becoming a Man. He spent 27 years in sales, went on roughly 1,000 first dates with women from over 60 countries, and built Maxximus because he lived the problem. His mission: help men reconnect with themselves, with others, and with the life they were built to lead.